Personal| This song says it better than anything else...

I have always been mourning for the loss of my elder sister and my son who I both lost to Cancer.

After watching this video of Josh Daniel's audition for The X Factor UK, my pain of losing Ate and Hutch was once relived.

It was never easy to live life without them and I have always felt lost knowing that in this life I could no longer, speak to them, hug nor see their perfect smiles.

Hutch took this photo of himself using his dad's new Motorola phone at the time. He was so amused of how easy it was. Such a memorable photo, he was already in a lot of pain and this was his last photo before he died a week after.

It's seldom that I would get to see my Ate since she was a flight stewardess, this is a one of the very few photos that I have with her, few month after she left us.

Until we meet again Ate and Hutch, you both have no idea how much both of you have left such an imprint on my life and heart which can never be replaced.

In the meantime... here is the song that best describes what I want to tell both of you...

Jealous by Labrinth

I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind, cause

[Chorus:]
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

[Verse 2:]
I'm jealous of the nights
That I don't spend with you
I'm wondering who you lay next to
Oh, I'm jealous of the night
I'm jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I'm jealous of the love, cause

[Chorus:]
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

[Bridge:]
As I sink in the sand
Watch you slip through my hands
Oh, as I die here another day
Cause all I do is cry behind this smile

[Chorus:]
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me