Tuesday, January 2, 2018

I So failed my 2017 - A Self Realization Check

You would always start off your year with plans and resolution and you do your best to commit but then sometimes you just didn't get it right.

I could have done better with my 2017.. so much better. 

Simplicity speaks volumes.
From the Japanese proverb

This isn't a click bait post where I said I failed but then creatively write the "fails" that they were actually positive. I mean it when I said I failed my 2017 because I promised myself it would be a better year than 2016 and my Chinese zodiac sign said so. 


So I went and opened my arms to 2017 with full expectations and assumptions because I wanted to be positive about it and use the law of attraction to manifest everything I hoped for. 

So let's cut the chase and let me pour out my heart to you of what I failed at. 

1. I failed at parenting - Yes, generally I am a good mum. I get that a lot, but I just could not balance the needs to my kids. My little lad who has autism took up most of my attention and my little lass was shoved a little to the side. I felt so guilty as a mother since I never gave as much attention to her. Yes, you see us go to events but that is because we are not at home. Her needs for attention differ from the little lad and I know that I need to step up as a mum. 

2. I failed at marriage - I have been so focused on the fact that I am starting to live out my life and feel the pressure of aging and nearing death (yes I sad the word) that I never paid attention to our marriage. It was work-little lad-stress. Patching up those bald spots in the marriage is not a way around it. There shouldn't be any bald spots at all. So I know this year, I need to listen more than react. 

3. I failed at work - Yes, funnily enough I did. I work too hard at things, wanting everything to be perfect and in place. I did get the promotion I needed but I did not balance my work and my life leaving me mostly exhausted. This was the year I exhausted my vacation leaves because I was mostly exhausted and stressed. This year, I need to be more focused and know when to place in a hard stop at things and know when to place my foot down and factors I cannot control.

4. I failed my blog - I realized for 2017, I hardly wrote anything personal and I lost that need to post regularly on my Facebook Page to make sure my readers were engaged. I miss the times where I could live chat with my followers or make videos for YouTube. This year, I want to work on some changes with the look of my blog, set my filming area better and save up for a camera with better resolution. 

5. I failed at friendships - I have absolute trust issues with making new friends and hardly have time for the old ones. I mostly see this coming about when my trust was broken several times, this brings me to a very short list of trusted friends those that I know can trust to tell anything and would not be judged. I want to make time for friendship this 2018.

6. I failed myself - Stress and anxiety has been my greatest enemy during 2017. I lost control of a lot of things that I would detach myself from a situation just so I could "handle it". Not a lot of people know that with this outspoken persona I am actually an introvert. I don't mind being by myself, and sometimes I just don't want to interact with people, but I also would be OK to spend time with real people - people that can just talk about anything. This year I want to work on my anxiety and stress triggers and control myself better. I want to relax and tell myself that everything will be OK. I will tell myself this 2018, that I am human and I am allowed to make mistakes. I am not obligated to please everyone and I should place myself before others. 

Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo


I am ecstatic to see 2017 go, goodbye to my little lad's surgery experience and heartbreak, goodbye to the disappointment that my little lass isn't part of the honor roll, goodbye to the exaggerated high expectations for my husband (he is also human), goodbye to over pleasing everyone else but myself, goodbye to procrastination to meet up with friends and go to events - this 2018. So a big HELLO to 2018, I want to live my life happier, less expectations, less worries. To live 2018 without over thinking about what tomorrow brings.

To fail is absolutely OK, please remind yourself that. What's good about failing is realizing it, getting up and dusting it off. Just keep going. 


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3 comments:

  1. Happy New Year Mamanee!
    Its when we fail we learn something..
    and a chance to make it correct.

    A brand new year always remind us that there is - here is another year to make it more better..

    Cheers to a mom like us who never give up ! Not even a single moment— for the sake of our little one’s.

    All the best Mamanee— as to my new life hashtag #Luckier2018

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  2. I really can relate to the first part. Really having a child with special needs if very challenging, i know that because my little girl has mild autism too. And my eldest was with my mom. But regardless Mamanee we should give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, it's not that easy. I really feel that at times and there are times that i really feel alone with what my daughter and I are dealer. As a parent we didn't mean for our other kid to feel left aside. But sometimes it's a matter of how we will be able to let them understand the situation. We should be honest and open about it so that they will not feel left out, they should be involved. Difficult... Yes... Super... But there is no harm in trying we always mean well to our kids...
    This blo is so inspiring mamanee love it ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜. Looking forward for a better parenting year to us

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